Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Memories

Why can't we have selective memory?

You know... like on your PC (or MAC). You keep the files (memories) you need handy and whatever you might need later but actually don't need every day you save on external media or in some folder that you never open.

Unfortunately this doesn't really work with our brain. We store all things somewhere and sometimes things pop up in our head that we don't want to remember. Like you go to a certain place and all of a sudden you remember conversations/people/... and so on that you met there or are somehow related to this place.
Sometimes this is really getting too much for me lately...
It's not that I regret anything that has happened in the past ... but it would make my life sooooo much easier if I could just store some memories somewhere else.
Searching the web for an external long- / mid- and short term memory compatible with my brain came with no results ... at least none that are actually practicable.

I am trying my best not to think about certain moments or conversations and specially one person but it seems that I just can't get it out of my head!
It's getting to a point where I have to stay up watching some stupid TV show to be distracted until I fall asleep... most of the times at around 2-2.30am... so you can imagine what I look like the next day.

Any ideas on how I can get "rid" of memories that are affecting me too much?

9 comments:

bb q8 said...

Wondered why you've been so quiet...
We have the ability to block certain things to a great extend in our minds... but we have to choose to do that. If you let these thoughts linger... you wont be able to not think about it. Its all about making a decision.. Choose to either feed the thoughts, or to starve it..
YOU choose!

Happy Wolf said...

you and you alone know the pain , but you gotta figure a way out of it. Ittakes time for wounds to heal unless you are diabetic. ARE YOU?

noReply said...

My 2 cents: "The sooner the better"

A song that you should hear:
Herbert Groenemeyer - Flugzeuge Im Bauch

"du hast 'n schatten im blick
dein lachen ist gemalt
deine gedanken sind nicht mehr bei mir
streichelst mich mechanisch
völlig steril
eiskalte hand, mir graut vor dir

fühl mich leer und verbraucht
alles tut weh
hab flugzeuge in meinem bauch
kann nichts mehr essen
kann dich nicht vergessen
aber auch das gelingt mir noch

gib mir mein herz zurück
du brauchst meine liebe nicht
gib mir mein herz zurück
bevor es auseinanderbricht
je eher, je eher du gehst
um so leichter, um so leichter wird's für mich

ich brauch niemand, der mich quält
niemand, der mich zerdrückt
niemand, der mich benutzt, wann er will
niemand, der mit mir redet nur aus pflichtgefühl
der nur seine eitelkeit an mir stillt

niemand, der nie da ist
wenn man ihn am nötigsten hat
wenn man nach luft schnappt, auf dem trocknen schwimmt
laß mich los, laß mich in ruhe
damit das ein ende nimmt

gib mir mein herz zurück
du brauchst meine liebe nicht
gib mir mein herz zurück
bevor es auseinanderbricht
je eher, je eher du gehst
um so leichter, um so leichter wird's für mich

fühl mich leer und verbraucht
alles tut weh
hab flugzeuge in meinem bauch
kann nichts mehr essen
kann dich nicht vergessen
aber auch das gelingt mir noch

gib mir mein herz zurück
du brauchst meine liebe nicht
gib mir mein herz zurück
bevor es auseinanderbricht
je eher, je eher du gehst
um so leichter, um so leichter wird's für mich"

Best of luck.

Ana Filibini said...

Don't fight them. Before you know it, they'll be gone.

U.E. said...

If you find a way... share it. I still get blindsided by those thoughts and feelings all the time. When someone makes such a huge impression on you it's hard not too. :(

Evil Knievel said...

Thank you all for your support and advice! :)
it actually helps a little!

bbq8: It's nothing you can control ... it flashes right infront of you and you can't do shit about it... BUT... i can stop thinking about it and connect it with something negative ... then I don't feel down when it happens (and thanks god it doesn't happen that much anymore!).

happy wolf: hehehe... no ... me no diabetic!

no reply (?): i listen to it quite often ... without listening to the lyrics in detail... thanks for making this more obvious to me ... it's sooo true! but still ... it hurts... not as much as it did before though! :) and why don't you post this in your weekly lyrics post! :P

ana filibini, salam! ana almani! :) weclcome to my blog!

u.e.: well ... i distract myself with lots of things and try to make new expieriences. this gives me "new memories" ... I know that some small tiny part in me will always be hurt and that this will always have influence on all new future relationships i will have. But i don't think this is bad ... it will make me a bit wiser and will hopefully save me from doing the same shit again!
you know... you only touch a hot plate once without checking if it is still turned on... :)

U.E. said...

Somehow... I never learned that lesson. lol

'Grey' said...

Are you gonna get over it and write something new or what?

Magical Droplets said...

I recently read an article on how the ore we try to forget something the more we actually remember it.

I love the analogy you made between our selective memories and pcs.

I used to have a knack for doing just that. i could easily delete unwanted memories from my hard. But unfortunately i have lost that talent. Things just keep popping up. Looks like i my brain has a virus. Must install an anti-virus :D